Validated And It Feels So Good

So last night I finally got around to seeing Bridesmaids. It was only five dollars, so i figured sure why not. After all the press it got I was borderline worried that I would end up liking it and then feel mad awkward for writing that hateful post about it before it came out, but luckily I can safely say SHIT STUNK. HARD.

Yay!

So the press was essentially making this film out to be a female-centered comedy that, brace yourselves here, EVEN MEN WILL LIKE.

With this dumb as fuck mentality in mind I went into it thinking it would be nothing like the standard Hollywood "chick flick", but in the end it ended up being just that. Seriously, it held onto all the women-centered stereotypes like Kristen Wiig being a cake baker. The majority of what these women did end up talking about was relationship/marriage problems. And also, this movie was way too long and had too much Kristen Wiig in it (she had a great moment when she was fucked up on the airplane though).

Pretty much, i'm glad I hated on this movie before seeing it, and am even more underwhelmed than I thought I would be. For being an Apatow backed production, I was expecting to see more of that good old "male humor" all you media fucks like to talk about and claim to be real humor, and in the end only got a romantic comedy that could have just as easily been a Kate Hudson flick full of cliched "for women" jokes and stereotyped tropes.

I am left even more confused. Why was the media all about this film being "groundbreaking"? I think for an all female-starring comedy to truly be groundbreaking it has to defy stereotyped notions of what it is women are, and talk about. Take the women away from career paths such as bakery owner, housewife, or some sales executive who is a total bitch in order to prove she's just as "tough as the guys". Make less conversation about relationships, and more conversation about other things. You know like politics, life, religion, etc. Seriously, Hollywood comedy writer bros, talking about these things can still be fucking funny, i promise! Also can the whole point of the film not be about finding love, or getting married? This would make for a truly interesting and groundbreaking film for women.

I can't think of any comedies that have these elements and star a majority of women, but as soon as I find one I will let you know. If you know of one, please tell me. I want to see it, badly.

Alright i'll admit, this is a little funny:

Who Be More Indier?

Seriously, I can't wait for this absolutely QUIRKY, INDIE, AND OFFBEAT film to come out featuring an AWKWARD boy who has feelings for this wonderfully ARTSY and AWKWARD girl. It is sure to be like NO OTHER INDIE FILM ABOUT A QUIRKY YOUNG WHITE BOY FALLING FOR A QUIRKY YOUNG WHITE GIRL, ever. It'll definately be BETTER THAN 500 DAYS OF SUMMER because it's BRITISH which automatically makes it SMARTER and QUIRKIER and MORE OFFBEAT.



Real talk. No matter how good this movie might actually end up being I'm going to say it's too little too late. It's ultimately the coming-of-age indie straw that broke the pack of Camel cigarette's back.

In my opinion this is how it all started:
We first fucked up by being all like "You're really cool Wes Anderson. Your pacing is so slow yet like i get it, you know? Holy shit is that Owen Wilson? I just saw him in Zoolander and now he's in this?! Wow this music really speaks to me, it would probably speak more to me if i understood French."
Our praise for Wes, and his resulting success seemed to have helped spawn a new breed of pseudo-independent cinema. Movies that find themselves in purgatory between Indie Heaven and Mainstream Hell (or Mainstream Heaven and Indie Hell, depending on how much you liked Transformers).
These new movies have sizable budgets, draw in well known actors, and get a lot of promotion (usually being backed by big lamestream studios) yet at the same time are released only in "select theatres".
Is that what it is? The fucking "select theatres" crap? If say Avatar kept the budget, and actors (most of whom are less known than the ones we find in many of these "indie" films), but decided to only be released in "select theatres" rather than "a theatre near you" would that make it an "indie" film?

Man i never thought i'd say it but, this is where we got to give mumblecore props. Yeah shut up, I like some mumblecore, but only some okay?
Sure mumblecore tends to deal with spoiled white kid issues just like these films do. You know issues like, "i'm so lonely in this world why doesn't anyone understand me? I need to fall in love, that's the only thing that can save me. Wait, what? No dad! I'm not going to law school I don't want to end up like you!" However, mumblebore films are made within a super low budget, don't cast big name Hollywood actors, rely a lot more on DIY ethics, and utilize the filmmaker's community more. For instance, the soundtrack is more likely to genuinely feature bands you've never heard of as opposed to bands you've never heard of until you heard them being played at Urban Outfitters.

So how about this.

If you really need your fix of contemporary alt film bout having an existential crisis and shit then i suggest you throw out your DVD of 500 Days of Summer and instead get yourself a copy of The Puffy Chair (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0436689/) or Hannah Takes The Stairs (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0841108/).
Then maybe check out the web-series Young American Bodies (http://www.youngamericanbodies.com/). I personally prefer this show to a lot of the films because the episodes are short. Meaning, I don't have to worry as much about entering an irritating scene featuring a seemingly endless conversation about tube socks, and wonder how the fuck it relates to anything at all. Hint: it doesn't, but omg that's the point!? Shit, i guess i just really hate mumblecore too.



Fuck it, let's just call it a night and conclude that mumblecore is the lesser of the two evils. If you're still confused about what the fuck mumblebore is (fyi, that's my cute little nickname for it) then here let me link you to the source that knows it best, Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mumblecore).