Not So New Girl

I stumbled upon the first episode of Fox's series, The New Girl starring Zooey Deschanel to decide if it's something really worth subjecting myself to. I mean watching. If it's something worth watching.
Haven't seen it? Here's a little summary:
So this totally quirky indie chick (Deschanel) gets cheated on by her boyfriend and has to move out of her place. She answers one craigslist ad for three totally normal, attractive dudes looking for a roomie (cause that's how craigslist works). They're all hesitant but the one bro dude is all like, “she's friends with a supermodel we got to let her live with us dude,” and the sensitive one is like, “I know what it's like to live with a woman maybe this isn't a good idea” and the black guy is all like, “I'm the black guy. I'm only here to be black and not have much of a character”.
But of course, they let her live with them. Her quirky awesomeness prevails over these lesser males with their less quirky quirks and less indie indieness. The rest of the episode then puts the spotlight on our girl Zooey. Man did I mention this chick was quirky? Seriously, she's such an oddball. I mean does singing randomly, out of nowhere not prove to you that she's so different? Like songs that aren't even real songs. Isn't that just one of a kind or what?
Man, i'm over girls watching this crap and thinking this is how they should behave. Speaking as well as acting like a ten year old and randomly singing songs in public is annoying, not cute. Girls, please don't try emulating her manic pixie demeanor. It's scary more than anything. I mean it's going to get to a point where just singing in public, or making up your own words, or any other similar quirk isn't going to cut it. Eventually, the manic pixie dream girl is going to have to stand out by having a stuffed parrot on her shoulder that she talks to, and occasionally it talks back telling her to murder a member of congress. Then what are we going to do Zooey? You just might have to leave She and Him and join a rag tag team of Somali pirates in order to further stand out from the other pixie babes.
However, I will give the Zoester some credit. I've never seen her have so much personality before. That scene where she was bursting out crying while watching Dirty Dancing completely shocked me. I didn't think her face could make such wide expressions. You see Zoey is like watching this rock that hot dudes fall in love with and you're always like, “dude why are they so in love with this rock? It's not even doing anything! I mean sure it has nice bangs but that can't be the basis of falling in love with it, or can it?” Then one day you watch it on a t.v. show and this rock suddenly moves a bit and you're like, “woah rock, you moved! Now I am a small step closer to sort of seeing how a human male might find you somewhat interesting.”
Honestly i've come to realize that having to subject myself to all those scenes of forced awkwardness and cliched cuteness has done nothing but make me hate the world more. With this show in particular it feels like the writers aren't even trying to make anything subtle. They're just straight up selling you what happens when 500 Days of Summer and Garden State combine forces, then break that up into several episodes, and add a theme song.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes...

is teaching us that:

1.) Andy Serkis can only be in movies if he plays ugly, heavily CGI'd creatures. Andy Serkis must feel like the ugliest man in the world.



2.) Tom Felton can only be in movies if he is a complete asshole. Part of me feels like he's the next Willem Defoe, but in like a more charming and British and bleached blonde sort of way.




3.) James Franco is a steaming pile of crap, and yet i'm still totally DTF.




Trailer:

Tuff Turf

I got this movie on vhs from a thrift store in Connecticut and let me tell you, it's my second favorite purchase ever (first if abortions don't count...lolol jk jk don't hate me). It's pretty much the perfect movie for fans of 80s teen flicks. It's got melodrama, James Spader, and Robert Downey (before he went all "jr." on our asses), who could ask for anything more? Oh you can? Well how about it's also got Jim Caroll and takes place in the San Fernando Valley. Okay maybe the whole San Fernando Valley thing won't be a sell unless you're from there (like I am). So if you're not from there, replace it instead with Kim Richard's hair. Cause her hair is fucking awesome in this movie. Seeeeeee...


Plot synopsis (IMDuhB):
"At the start of his senior year in high school, Morgan's father has lost his company, so the family moves from Connecticut, where they've been in the yacht club, to an apartment in the San Fernando Valley. Morgan has grown up in the shadow of his high-achieving older brother, and he seems to have a knack for getting into trouble. He also has a stubborn streak, so when he finds himself attracted to Frankie, the girlfriend of the leader of a local gang of youthful thugs, he can't stop himself from pushing her for a relationship. The thug thinks of Frankie as his property and sees the cool, urbane Morgan as dead meat. Is this a struggle to the death?"

Honestly, I thought this movie was thoroughly entertaining. You kind of have to be in the mood for it but I think James Spader is able to tone down the cheese and Robert Downey is pretty hilarious. I don't get why a lot of people didn't like this film, but can go on saying The Breakfast Club is much better. This film has a lot more badassery, violence, and teenage shenanigans like you know, breaking into a country club and singing to your love interest while all the rich people slow dance.

My personal favorite character is Kim Richards's boyfriend who looks like he's about 32 years old but is meant to pass as a high school senior. He's pretty fucking mean. Him and James Spader have an epic battle near the end of the film. I don't want to give too much away so i'll just hint at it with this: empty warehouse, guns, and a sneaky attack involving a rope and whistling.

Oh also, did I mention that Jim Caroll is in it? Briefly, yes...but still that's way more awesome than any John Hughes bullshit.



Someone was sweet enough to put the whole movie on youtube:

http://youtu.be/OVpSDfqYeV8

Validated And It Feels So Good

So last night I finally got around to seeing Bridesmaids. It was only five dollars, so i figured sure why not. After all the press it got I was borderline worried that I would end up liking it and then feel mad awkward for writing that hateful post about it before it came out, but luckily I can safely say SHIT STUNK. HARD.

Yay!

So the press was essentially making this film out to be a female-centered comedy that, brace yourselves here, EVEN MEN WILL LIKE.

With this dumb as fuck mentality in mind I went into it thinking it would be nothing like the standard Hollywood "chick flick", but in the end it ended up being just that. Seriously, it held onto all the women-centered stereotypes like Kristen Wiig being a cake baker. The majority of what these women did end up talking about was relationship/marriage problems. And also, this movie was way too long and had too much Kristen Wiig in it (she had a great moment when she was fucked up on the airplane though).

Pretty much, i'm glad I hated on this movie before seeing it, and am even more underwhelmed than I thought I would be. For being an Apatow backed production, I was expecting to see more of that good old "male humor" all you media fucks like to talk about and claim to be real humor, and in the end only got a romantic comedy that could have just as easily been a Kate Hudson flick full of cliched "for women" jokes and stereotyped tropes.

I am left even more confused. Why was the media all about this film being "groundbreaking"? I think for an all female-starring comedy to truly be groundbreaking it has to defy stereotyped notions of what it is women are, and talk about. Take the women away from career paths such as bakery owner, housewife, or some sales executive who is a total bitch in order to prove she's just as "tough as the guys". Make less conversation about relationships, and more conversation about other things. You know like politics, life, religion, etc. Seriously, Hollywood comedy writer bros, talking about these things can still be fucking funny, i promise! Also can the whole point of the film not be about finding love, or getting married? This would make for a truly interesting and groundbreaking film for women.

I can't think of any comedies that have these elements and star a majority of women, but as soon as I find one I will let you know. If you know of one, please tell me. I want to see it, badly.

Alright i'll admit, this is a little funny:

I've been having a sort of lack of posts lately. I was going to attempt to blame it on this internship I got in San Francisco, but let's face it that shit's only once a week and I'm just a lazy ball of laziness (Summer!)
My internship is pretty cool though. It's for a company that archives/preserves/distributes experimental films. I've never been big on experimental film so am learning a lot of new names, and watching a lot of new videos. I've compiled a list of some favorites that you know, just happened to also be on Youtube.

Watch:


This one is cool because it is completely silent and has cats.


This one rules because Kuchar is kind of an asshole in it.


Play this one at 240p to hear the sound. I like this one because it's obviously the most political.

Look you guys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to see a movie at a movie theater by yourself. Seriously, it feels like every time I tell someone I just went to see a movie they first ask me, "who with?", and then when I reply with, "no one just me!" they ask me if everything is okay. "Are you depressed?" "Bad break up?" "Recent death in the family?".
No Jesus goddamn-it fuck dude I just wanted to go see a movie and didn't feel the need to post a fucking Facebook status about it and bring in a herd of 30 people so we could all sit and not talk for two hours.

Don't get me wrong, at first I was one of those people. I used to dread the thought of going to see a movie, and running into someone I knew. As if them seeing me as I eat popcorn in a dark theater alone is absolute proof I have no friends and am a lonely piece of shit.

However, it then got to a point where I realized that that anxiety is so petty. It reminded me of being in middle school. The crappiest three years of every human being's life. Honestly, if you enjoyed sixth through eighth grade there is something terribly wrong with you. I'm pretty sure it's scientific fact that any person who misses being thirteen is eighteen times more likely to end up becoming a serial killer, or a dentist. In my tween days, going to see a movie with your friends was the adult equivalent of going to a local bar. We were regulars (but not the well loved kind because we were shit heads) and the absolute most embarrassing thing to ever see was someone we knew with their PARENTS or even worse their GRANDPARENTS. Oh, the humility!

To avoid regressing to the horrors of tween angst I overcame the fear of possibly being seen alone, and just fucking did it. Now I must say that I almost prefer going alone. Or rather, it's not much different than going to see it with a friend. So why don't you just do it? Or at least stop acting like those who do are like totally lame or some shit.

I don't know. I'm pretty bored and sitting in a laundromat waiting for clothes to dry which is why I bring this up. Maybe i'll have some better post later about some fuckin topical shit like the incredibility of Snapple facts, or why the stand alone letter 'i' has to be capitalized but not stand alone 'a'.

Then again this is a movie blog so maybe not.

Sidenote, check out this fucking loser:

RAD (1986)

aka the greatest BMX movie ever made!
Okay well i'm not really an expert on BMX, or BMX films, but i would like to think i know my shit about cheesy 80s teen flicks, and RAD (hella) qualifies as one of these.
I didn't even realize I owned this movie (an out of print VHS copy) until i reorganized my movie shelves. Intrigued by the title, i popped it in and was instantly brought into the world of BMX.
This film never made it to theaters but gained success as a straight to VHS release in 1986, and now has a strong cult following.

Synopsis from IMDB because i'm too lazy to write one on my own:

The story of Cru Jones, a young man who can overcome all obstacles that prevent him from participating in the BMX race "Helltrack." As he works towards his dream, Cru falls in love with Christian, an amateur racer. With the help of Christian and her friends, can Cru's "Rad Racing Team" defeat the top BMX factory rider, Bart Taylor?

SPOILER ALERT

The answer is yes, yes he can. Bart starts off as the super hot, blonde, proBMXrider asshole who has a change of heart at the end of the film and wants to race Cru without pulling any tricks. Cru wins the race, keeps his dignity, and gets the girl. It's a pretty classic sports movie scenario that manages to pull off some laughs, not all intentional.

I think my favorite part of the film is the school dance which for some reason the pro-BMX riders attend (and the mayor?). They have an awesome dance scene and then Cru and his love interest Christian (Lori Loughlin of Full House fame) engage in the most glorious slow-mo dance atop BMX bikes routine i have ever seen.
Now that i think of it, this film's greatest accomplishment is probably its mastery of slow-motion.
I could watch Cru and Christian sliding down that water slide into the river in slow motion for hours.

If you don't know what i'm talking about and wish you did, watch the whole movie. It's all on youtube, here's part 1:


Then again, if you just want to watch the school dance scene then just watch it here in part 4: